Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Seattle Dating Scene

I know that I can be a bit old fashioned: I expect to be courted. I don't tend to date multiple people at a time. I like writing letters rather than texting. But the dating scene in Seattle is a very odd place. I know that the city is a passive city in comparison to the blunt conversations in which I partook in Los Angeles.  That passivity blooms out of the identity crisis of Seattle: it's a big city that wishes to behave like a small town. And I love Seattle. I enjoy the gloomy skies, the waterfront, the skyline, the obsession over being "green", and the fixed gear bikes that take over the streets.  But it's not without fault and where I notice it most is within the romantic interactions in the lives of my friends and I.

I have been on several dates with men that start out as seemingly normal whether it was dinner and a movie, a comedy show, concert and some cocktails, or whatever dinner and entertainment combination the testosterone-wielding component had come up with. But the supposed goodbye is where things turn out differently than I would expect. I would expect an awkward kiss goodnight after a first date or maybe even just a hug. But it's usually assumed, in Seattle at least and not just in my experiences, that now is the time when I go into his apartment and spend the night.   Now why is this the assumption? It might not even necessarily be for sex, but spending the night is a bit advanced for just after the first date. I am a female with morals and standards and integrity. I wish to part ways and wait for you to call me the next day to make future plans. But you want me to come over and sleep in your bed which basically equals sleeping next to a complete stranger.

When did this become the norm? To share such an intimate space before your even sharing secrets and entire life stories? What happened to second dates and aligning two schedules?

Just my thoughts. And my criticisms. Maybe this is what it is like now for people in their mid-20s? I, for one, miss the days of butterflies and phone calls and will gladly leave behind text messages and possible one-night stands of cuddling and awkward false intimacy.

xo

Gosh! Delilah is so simplistic but I can't deny that it's fantastic. And who doesn't love a song written about a housecat.

3 comments:

  1. I think the problem is we've made everything more casual. Do we even go out on dates any more? I heard it's called "hanging out" these days.

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  2. That's probably accurate. The word "date" is close to become a syllable of profanity. But why are we allowing such a thing to become casual. Finding a mate or a lover should not be a casual thing...

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  3. "false" or "shallow" intimacy, as you call it, has become the norm, as you have pointed out. You ask why. It is because we are empty and afraid of that emptiness. We hunger and we thirst and we search for fulfillment from outside sources. We have become detached and isolated from what is essential and so we seek to fill the void. With anything that gives us reprieve - albeit only briefly: drugs, food, sex, consumerism - any and all forms of gluttony. We seek to satiate the abyss that stares broodingly and darkly back into us - a bit like Escher's eye, yes? We long for intimacy; we long for love. But, it is elusive and unattainable until we learn to love ourselves. Peace comes from within...
    Those that realize this (Einstein refers to them as the Receptive; the Awake)valiantly extricate themselves from a numb society's cocoon and find enlightenment and joy and, yes, peace. They are free and can live life: authentically and on harmonic terms with others.

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