To Pay or Not To Pay

I'm sitting in bed with a painful ear infection and some quite charming mucus-filled lungs, reading over past blog posts and such.  And I was scrolling through some of my old musings over boys and their quirks: why did he think it was okay to bring a toothbrush to my house after one date, why does he think that a respectable girl would want to hang out with him starting at midnight, does he have to wear those terrible cargo shorts every weekend, and I came across: why do we expect men to pay for dates?

The other quirks are easily answered. In order:
1. Obviously he is not thinking about the ramifications of such an action and is already trying to stake some claim over me. Which resulted in him earning the nickname toothbrush boy and not earning a second date. The toothbrush was also thrown out.
2. Even though it was when his work shift was over four nights a week, he wasn't dedicated enough to our relationship to hang out at normal/logical times of the day. Sure you might work late shifts, but you can squeeze in an afternoon cup of coffee if you really want to spend time with me. That ended in him not hanging out with me because I refused to be hung out with when it was convenient.
3. He has no fashion sense.

But why do we expect men to pay for dates? It's especially expected in the early stages. I even have some friends who don't consider it a date unless the man pays for the outing. As an independent female who does not like to dependent upon anyone and stubbornly refuses to be, I even find myself expecting the man to pay for the first few dates or at least a special dinner every now and then.

I'm sure that it has its roots in the Rules of Courtly Love written by Capellanus' in the early Medieval period. But aren't we past that. We certainly don't follow the rules espousing that "Public revelation of love is deadly to love in most instances" or "A lover should not love anyone who would be an embarrassing marriage choice."  But we do still find rules such as "The value of love is commensurate with its difficulty of attainment" and "The sight of one's beloved causes palpitations of heart" to be true. The archaic ideals of chivalry and courtly love are seen in modern times in expectations such as opening doors, pulling out chairs, and, even, picking up the tab. Does it stem from a woman's expectation to be pampered?

In my own relationships, I have found what makes me content. And, as most things do, this is going to vary from woman to woman.  I do expect the man to pay for the first few dates as things are starting out whether it's casual dinners, a couple drinks at a bar, a day trip to the zoo or national park. But as things move along and the relationship becomes more serious, it makes absolute sense - to me - to "go Dutch" or to alternate who pays for the date.  This way the man doesn't feel like you are a financial obligation but more of a partner in the relationship. After all, you shouldn't need a man to pay for your meals anyway.

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